I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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