Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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