I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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