Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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