just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
