dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
