i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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