So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
