Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
