U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
