Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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