I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
