i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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