I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
