thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
