Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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