i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
