Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
it's like iHOP with fire
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
