3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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