i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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