i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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