Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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