I must be too annoying 4 u.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
