so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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