He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
