Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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