Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
