just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
