i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
