I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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