My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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