I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
