my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
