people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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