I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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