i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
