Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
We need to rekindle our bromance
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
