New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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