Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
