Duck Duck Cougar?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
