Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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