My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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