Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
