Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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