I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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