I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
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The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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