Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
