I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
