they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
