I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
