Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
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