You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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