you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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