i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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