Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Are we still banned from the library?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
