Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
