K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
