i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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