thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
