What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
