Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
