I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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