Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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