It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
