i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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