all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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