I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
