you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
false alarm, still single
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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