You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
