I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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