Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
