I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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