A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
